Plot:
After a war that left their planet dead, the Autobots and Decepticons have come to Earth in search of the “Allspark”, an alien cube that can create life from technology.
Review:
The effects were awesome.
And when that's the first thing you have to say about a movie, you know you're not in for an Oscar winning movie (except for the Technical Awards).
But this was "Transformers", so you don't expect that walking into it, even if Oscar Award Winning Actor Jon Voight (tm) plays the Secretary of Defense, John Keller.
And that brings up my first issue: When did John Voight get the roles usually reserved for Michael Ironside?
Mr. Ironside is a bit more believable as a Guy In Charge Who Occasionally Uses Guns (tm) than Mr. Voight.
Now, I'm not saying that I hate Mr. Voight, but I like Mr. Ironside better.
But at least the effects were cool.
Another issue I had was with the humans.
Now, I understand why humans were the focus of the story. We, the audience, need somebody to identify with in the movie.
Unfortunately, it didn't always work.
First, Shia LaBouf's (aka Sam Witwicky) romance with Megan Fox (Mikaela Banes) didn't seem realistic. For most of the movie, it doesn't seem that she likes him all that much, except at the end.
And I can't forget this: somehow I don't think Optimus (Leader of the Autobots/Giant Frickin' Semi) would so apologetic when it comes to stepping on Mrs. Witwicky's flower bed.
And of course using the classic "More Than Meets The Eye" phrase while Sam was "hitting" on Mikeala didn't seem a proper place for that line.
But at least Mikeala was hot.
Enough about the humans, and onto the Hot Robot On Robot Fighting Action (tm).
Now, while this G1 fan was a bit disappointed that they removed the Ark from the mythos of Transformers and replaced it with the Allspark, I am glad that they managed to use the original sound effect for the transformations in the new transformation sequences, and they kept both Optimus and Megatron as the leaders of the Autobots and Decepticons respectively.
Some Transformers (mainly in Decepticons) were a bit disappointing though.
Let's start with Frenzy.
When we first see him, he's a Boombox Ninja Spy (tm) who can take down any Secret Service Agent he comes across.
And then he looses a fight with Mikaela.
Yep, he can fight against multiple Secret Service Agents, but he looses to a teenage girl.
Afterwards, he seems a bit more like Transforming Comic Relief (tm).
That was Starscream's (aka Cobra Commander) job.
Another missing Transformer element was Starscream.
Yes, he was in the movie, but in pretty much every animated Transformers series he always chafed under Megatrons Command and sought to rule himself.
The bit of this to make it into the movie was one line.
"You've failed me again Starscream."
Now, I can forgive the removal of the Ark, but c'mon, where was the rivalry?
And let's talk about Megatron, one of the biggest badasses in the Galaxy (next to G1 Unicron and Transformer Darth Vader/Death Star).
We don't even see him in combat until near the end of the movie?
C'Mon.
But at least the effects are cool.
Oh, and one last thing.
Product Placement.
When I started watching this, I came in with the notion that it was going to be one giant car commercial.
Well, that notion was blown asunder.
The beginning of the movie wasn't a car commercial.
It was a commercial for HP, Cisco, and Logitech.
Every military computer at the base was HP (including Capt. Lennox's wife's) and they both used the same friggin' webcam.
Now, I didn't mind GM cars being the Autobots, at least they were different models. And at least the Apple Logo is always that visible on MacBooks in the wild.
But why did everyone who was using a PC have to use an HP?
Isn't there some variety of PC out there other than HP?
But, at least they threw in a line from the original movie.
The movie was better than I thought it was going to be, but not as good as it could have been, so I can only give Transformers 3 Obvious Product Placements (tm) out of 5.
But at least the effects were cool.